India is one of the most colorful, chaotic, spiritual, happy, impoverished, sexist, liberated, disgusting, and downright amazing countries I’ve ever visited. Yet above all else, the people and country—a truly unique cauldron of humanity—are unbelievably hilarious.

It’s extremely hard, if not impossible, to describe it in words. It’s one of those rare places you have to visit to understand. But nonetheless, here are a few funny observations from our time in India:

#1 – The Head Waggle

No list could be complete without the head waggle. It’s the first thing you notice and the last thing you forget. Basically, when asked a question, instead of nodding yes or shaking no, most Indians just waggle their heads back and forth. And not just a normal waggle - it’s a loose, dizzying waggle accompanied by a wide smile and happy eyes, almost like a smirking bobble head doll. Some people will say that there is a meaning to all the subtle wiggles and waggles, but to a foreigner, it’s downright confusing. I can’t tell you how many times I would ask, “Where is the bathroom?” or “Can you order us a taxi?”, only to receive the infamous, happy-go-lucky waggle. No verbal answer. No inclination of understanding. Just the waggle.

An Indian trying to explain the waggle:

#2 The Car Horn – Part 1

Let me set the mood for the Part 2 observation. In India, car and truck horns make a truly unique range of sounds. Some horns are dull and worn-out. Some are loud and melodic, like a Nintendo-theme song. It really runs the gamut--from a squeak to a scratch to a clown honk to a shofar tooting. Maybe it’s like picking a ringtone?

#3 The Car Horn – Part 2

So, imagining this crazy orchestra of car trumpets, now picture a country that beeps the horn more than ANY other place on earth. I’m not exaggerating. I’d be willing to place a large sum of money that there are more car beeps in India than any other place on earth. And those of you in New York, just forget about arguing. India blows a New York traffic jam out of the water. It is incessant. Like ALL the time. And yes, I get it, there are cows and dogs and people in the streets. Part of it is a safety precaution. But it goes way beyond safety. People blow the horn in frustration. People blow the horn instead of breaking. People blow the horn to wave hello. People blow the horn to signal a turn. People blow the horn to the beat of a song. It's insane.

An actual conversation with one of our drivers (name removed):

Me: “What are you beeping at? It’s nighttime and no one is on the road.”

Driver: Head waggle.

Me: “No, I’m asking you. There. You just did it again. What are you beeping at?”

Driver: Head waggle.

Me: “Seriously. There are no cars. Anywhere. There again. You just did it. Look. You're still beeping. What are you beeping at?”

Driver: Head waggle. “Just beeping.”

#4 - Traffic

New York. Los Angeles. Chicago. Rome. Beijing. Nothing compares to India. Actually, it’s not even close. They have rules in those other cities. There are no rules for driving in India. It’s a free-for-all. No stop signs. Occasional traffic lights. Cows have the right of way. You turn into oncoming traffic. Cross the street into oncoming traffic. Drive on the wrong side of the road. Brake. Beep. Brake. Beep. Brake. Beep. Ahhh!!!

Once, at an intersection in Bangalore (and this is Bangalore mind you, probably the most Western city in India), we were stuck in the middle of a 6-way intersection in an auto-rickshaw. Like not moving stuck. As I looked around to try to understand the reason, I noticed in a 10-foot radius that there were trucks, buses, cars, auto-rickshaws, motorcycles, bicycles, dogs, pedestrians, and cows—all trying to cross against each other. No traffic light. No one directing traffic. Just utter mayhem!

This intersection is actually not as chaotic as others because it has a divider.  Imagine this without the divider.... — This intersection is actually not as chaotic as others because it has a divider. Imagine this without the divider....

#5 - The Cows

Yes, yes. I know. Everyone talks about the cows. The holy cows. Yada yada yada. I will spare the details. Just know, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.

Oncoming cars.  Screeching bikes.  Not a care in the world... — Oncoming cars. Screeching bikes. Not a care in the world...

#6 – Dancing

Maybe my favorite and most underrated part of India, is that Indian men love to dance. And it is hilarious. The men dance so freely and happily, without even a hint of self-consciousness. They just dance when and how they feel. It’s magnificent. And it's quite different than the great dancing in Africa, which is more rhythmic and powerful. This is not that type of dancing. Indian men dance more like a feather in the wind, light, swaying, floating to the music. They dance in the streets. Dance on the back of trucks. Dance at parties. And my personal favorite, they even dance in water parks:

#7 - Men Holding Hands

Men in India LOVE to touch each other. They hold hands. They hold pinkies. They cuddle. They walk around with hands in each other's pockets. If you came to India the without knowing anything, you'd probably think India had the highest population of gay men in the world. But no. These are all heterosexual men. Maybe it's because of the strict arranged marriage culture. Or maybe because it's unacceptable to hold or kiss a girl in public. Or maybe because they just love their friends. But Indian men love to hold hands!

I'd write more, but I can't possibly be funnier than the great Russell Peters:

#8 - Light Switches

Random observation. We stayed in over a dozen hotels and guesthouses, and in almost everyone, at least 50% of the light switches in the room did absolutely nothing. We would flick them up and down, nothing. No lights. Nothing to do with the outlets. There were just a lot of empty light switches. When we asked about it, we only got a head waggle.

#9 – True Happiness

Amongst the abject poverty, disease, and filth, there is an undeniable happiness weaving through the country. People are just happy. It has nothing to do with work-life balance or disposable income or endorphin-boosting workouts. People are genuinely and deeply rooted into something bigger, something happier and freer. That is not to say that they don’t have their problems and sadness. India has problems and sadness galore. But running through the soul of the country is an undercurrent of happiness. Maybe it’s the Hindu religion. Maybe it’s the philosophy of Karma. Maybe it’s the lack of consumerism. Maybe it’s the importance of families. Who knows? But being there, seeing the decrepit cities and failing infrastructure, meeting beggars and street vendors and bellboys, visiting the old temples and palaces, I got a glimpse into what makes India so special. And it starts and ends with Happiness.

- Stephen