#1 – There is a not-so-subtle theme that weaves its way through the culture of Indonesia. For anyone who has visited, it will probably be obvious. But it can be reduced to a single word: Slow.

The pace of life is slow. The people are slow. Even the music is slow.

Now, I like slow. I like a relaxed pace of life. But there are certain things which end up frustrating you, now matter how relaxed you think you are.

For instance, ordering at a restaurant. The service was prompt. The food came out in good time. But somehow, when the waiter wrote down the order, it was UNBELIEVABLY slow. I would order a chicken sandwich and coke, and it would take 30 to 45 seconds to write down my order on the little pad. It got to the point where Michelle would order, and then I would open my book and see how many paragraphs I could read before the waiter would write down her order (on average I could read 2-3 paragraphs). It was nuts. And best of all, I still have no idea what they were writing.

#2 - Hotel introductions never end. In the U.S., if you happen to have someone show you to your room (which is rare), the bellboy usually drops the bags, spews out some lines about the safe and mini bar, and then just awkwardly waddles there until you hand him a tip. In Bali, at all three hotels, the bellboys were so thorough in their explanations of the room, that it took ten to fifteen minutes for them to introduce each room. At one hotel, the bellboy went on and on and on. “This is the remote control. It controls the TV. Press the large green button to turn on the TV. The TV has fifty channels. Press the green button to turn off the TV. This is the phone. Pick up the phone to hear the dial tone...” It was amazing. And the best part was, he couldn’t take a hint. Not even close. Every time I told him thank you, he just kept laughing (more on that next). I tipped him, thanked him, shook his hand, but nothing. He kept talking, showing us each door handle, light switch, and outlet. Finally, when I thought Michelle might actually physically assault him, and I could no longer feign being polite, I just looked him in the eyes, and said, "Sir, can you please just leave."

#3 – The Balinese laugh…a lot! And don’t get me wrong, laughing is a beautiful and self-fulfilling act, but it can be a little out of context sometimes. Especially when it was often a giggly, high-pitched laugh.

Q: What time is checkout?

A: Hahaha. Two, sir.

Q: Can we make a reservation for dinner tonight?

A: Hahaha. No sir, we are fully booked.

Q: I think my wife was just bitten by something.

A: Hahaha. Yes, we have many poisonous insects on the premises.

#4 – The driving is INSANE. Aside from the obvious left side of the road difference, it is utterly crazy. Cars share the road with motorcycles, pedestrians, street vendors, bicycles, and horses. To pass someone, the car beeps, goes into the other lane, and starts dodging incoming motorcycles until he passes the car in front.

#5 – Last, but certainly not least (well, maybe for Michelle), is the rampant and awesome favoritism towards men. Every question, bill, plate of food, and compliment was given first to the man. I’m not advocating for a gender role reversal in the U.S., but it certainly was nice to get treated like a king.

And the best part was watching Michelle's face. Each time they turned to me and ignored her, her face lit up in anger.

(In Balinese laugh): Hahaha, yes!